Dilly Dally, Shilly Shally. I am everything and nothing at the same time. I am the knight in shining armor, here to save the damsel in distress. The distressing part? Underneath my helm, I'm the dragon, too. President and CEO of The Free Big Tits Movement.
This is inspired by Chris and Dionne’s prom stories.
On the Friday three weeks before prom, the woman who asked me out to prom told me she wouldn’t be able to go with me because she wanted to go with her boyfriend that she had just acquired earlier in the day.
I had to go home and tell my mother that I no longer had a date to prom. For some reason, however, I didn’t tell her immediately. I mulled over it over the weekend and on Monday, as all of the posters and streamers were being put up, I was standing at my locker talking to a classmate when she walked up. She being Eva.
Eva was one of the most attractive juniors at my high school. And she was at my locker. She told me she found out that Lynne wasn’t going with me any longer and she was happy that I was free from having a date, because she wanted to go with me.
Plans I made with Lynne were now heavily edited to become plans with Eva. I scrapped the rental car and me and my oldest brother got a limo. (I wanted to go bigger, but then I remembered The Cosby Show episode when Theo got everybody to get a helicopter and ruined the date. So, a speedboat on the Elizabeth River was out.) She told me she was wearing red and so I made sure my tuxedo’s cummerbund and bow-tie was red as well. We discuss plans and ideas and things we wanted to do and just everything. She was really excited to be going out with me…and I was just as excited about going out with her.
Fast forward to Saturday, May 16th.
My hair was cut. My tux was sharp. My limo was CLEAN. Me and my brother was STYLIN’ on folks; one dude we went to school with came out of his house ready for prom, saw us, threw his hands up and said ‘Never mind!’ and went back in the house. We were dressed to the nines. My brother’s date had told him that she was doing some last minute preps, so she wanted us to go get Eva first and then come back and scoop her up. Cool. I called Eva and prepared to tell her that we would be there shortly.
I called back after 5 minutes.
The limo driver is getting paid by the hour and we only got him for 6 hours. It’s already 6:25 PM… he was scheduled to leave us at midnight. He’s making money whether he’s driving or not. So he’s just sitting there counting money while I’m counting to 10 to make sure I don’t lose my cool. I called her back again at 6:35.
By this time, my brother is like, look, we can go get my date and then go get Eva as planed. No big deal. We go to scoop his date up… and she walks out of the house looking like Jayne Kennedy. Simply beautiful.
So, we’re in the limo on our way to get Eva. I use the limo phone to call the house… still no answer. My brother notices that I’m getting frustrated and keeps cracking jokes to keep me laughing… but the entire time, I’m just like:
We finally get to her house and who is pulling up at the same time? Eva. She JUST left the hair dresser and she needs to get dressed and put on make up. It is now 7:30. The dinner arrangements we had planned are canceled: we need to get to prom and soon.
Fast forward to 10:00. We had to wait for the photographers to set up again to take our prom pictures because we arrived so late. The food was damn near gone. I was announced junior prom king, but because I wasn’t there to accept my award, it went to the second place guy. The live band has announced that they are playing three more songs and then they are leaving. I asked Eva for a dance…
…and she flatly tells me no. She’s here to dance with her friends and that’s exactly what she’s going to do.
I go outside to catch some fresh air because I don’t want to lose it in front of the people that was left at prom and I notice that my brother is outside at the limo. I go over to him and first he congratulates me on not winning Junior Prom King and then he tells me how his date left with her ex-boyfriend. I look back at the convention center that our prom was winding down at and I told him let’s go.
That’s right. I left my date at prom.
I haven’t seen her since.
That made me say fuck my Senior Prom and I didn’t go. There is exactly ONE picture of me and Eva for prom…
…and it’s buried in my grandmother’s attic.
I hope it stays there.
I appreciate you. More than you know.
…and most of you aren’t brave enough to come at me.
The ones that did (April, Dawn, Dionne, Eyan) got their ass handed to them in a orderly fashion.
Now, I would LOVE to stay and talk about it all, but I’d rather BE about it. My Xbox Gamertag is EdotBrock and my PSN ID is Instant__Vintage (That’s two underscores.)
You want some? Come get some.
I’m weeping in misery. I want it! Please tell me in VA it exists.
Yes it does. And I’ll cover your first meal here as well. Get ready to eat.
LAWD is right, Shani Bear. Bring your ass so we can go, please.
them damn corndogs. I think we need a round two..because of reasons.
Round Two? Indeed.
She’s the one who bought me my first ever bag of Garrett’s Popcorn and introduced me to it. Now I have an addiction that can actually kill me. Literally.
Thanks, Succubus. I owe you a stake in the heart the next time we meet.
Formerly known as the best kept secret; I guess that I just leaked it.
So, this came in the mail today from Dionne.
A card filled with Christmas cheer. And a promise to kill me next year.
Thank you, Di.
Me and Dionne (GeekScoutCookies) have been friends for a minute now. I don’t hate her; quite the opposite, actually.
I don’t want this to be some post where I spend the next 100 paragraphs talking about how great she is; it’ll seem contrite and it makes me feel like I’m gassing her up.
I joke with her up here because that’s what we do; our text messages and time we spend talking is usually filled with verbal beatdowns and death threats, and sometimes that carries over to Tumblr.
But she really is an awesome person and one of my closest friends. She has my back like I have hers. I couldn’t ask for a better friend. (Well, I COULD, but it’s hard to top her.) For everything that she’s done for me, for everything that she is to me, I say this with zero facetiousness and no jokes: I love her.
To you, my pretty faced friend: I applaud the woman you are. I thank you for always being here for me, even when I act as if I don’t need you to be. I thank you for being in my life and I appreciate the variety and spice you bring to it. I appreciate you in ways that I can’t begin to explain her on Tumblr, and you’ll always have a friend in me, no matter what. I love you, Succubus.
P.S. YOLO. *wink*
The Dawn, The Girlfriend, The Bay, Brooklyn, Death Personified, The Beauty, The Perv, The Smile, and The New Girl Tumblr Crushes:
Unlike Rell, Dawn is number one on my streets.
i wouldn’t use the word miss… but your lack of presence was noticed.. AP too
I’ll take that.
Yes! And also I regret to inform you that I am not coming to VA Beach anymore…
I has a case of the happys and the sads.
I miss you too, Britt! I saw your post… thank you, dear.
Asked by geekscoutcookies
Is this supposed to be about someone else with that name or just that person? Because I don’t know someone by the name of Dionne other than the succubus that put this in my inbox. She’s pretty fucking insolent and not at all what I would consider worthy of my hate, but I keep her around because she’s fun to toy with.
Just kidding. All jokes aside, Dionne is one of my closest friends. I can go to her about anything (almost) and she’ll listen without judging me (harshly). The Jay to my Silent Bob, the Kim to my Scott, the Michonne to my sword. She’s my sidekick as much as I am hers.
I still hate her, though. Go fuck yourself, Di.