Not So Random Thoughts

The Art Of Face Sitting

Reblogged from shehateme

shehateme:

First off, there is an art to this.

Ladies, if you find a man that says it isn’t an art, he doesn’t know how to correctly eat you out.  And that’s okay.  Hopefully he lays the pipe well enough that you don’t mind lackluster cunnilingus.

Moving forward.

Face sitting, as I said in the title, is an art.  Just like with painting a picture, making a sculpture, or writing a story, there’s elements that every artist needs: a sturdy work space (his face), a decent paintbrush/sculpting tool/pencil or pen (his tongue), and a canvas/clay/paper (her yoni).  Basic items, but again, it’s what you DO with those items that creates the pièce de résistance (the orgasm).

Let’s start with the face.  I know there are some women who sometimes get afraid of sitting on a man’s face.  They worry that the pressure will be too much for him, that she might be too heavy, or that she may cut off his oxygen supply.  Let me say with unwavering certainty that two of these three options are of no worry to the face.  The pressure isn’t too much.  You cannot be too heavy.  If you place your knees right above his shoulders, your yoni is in perfect range and most of the weight will be distributed on the surface he is laying on.  As far as the lack of oxygen, well… that’s what breathing through his nose is for.  (Unless he’s an advanced eater, then he knows that eating pussy is like swimming; take a deep breath, go in, turn your face, take another breath, go in, turn your face in the opposite direction, take another breath, go in, etc.  This technique pretty much assures you that the pleasure shall continue and you won’t get tired of creating that masterpiece.)  Line your yoni up with his mouth, your ass should be falling right above his throat, which is a perfect position for his hands to guide you.

On to the tongue, arguably the most important part of this equation; without your paintbrush/sculpting tool/pencil or pen you can’t create.  Learn how to make deep strokes, curling your tongue.  Don’t just use the rough side of your tongue; that’s a sure way to over sensitize the clitoris.  As a rule of thumb: you shouldn’t just concentrate on just the clitoris anyway.  Get creative!  Stiffen your tongue and slap her ass; make her bounce up and down like you’re the mechanical bull at a country bar.  Pin the clitoris!  This is an advanced technique most men never bother to learn about; if you place the clitoris between your upper lip and your front teeth, the vibrations from your constant movement of your tongue will surely excite her even more.  USE THE UNDERSIDE OF YOUR TONGUE.  USE THE UNDERSIDE OF YOUR TONGUE.  USE THE UNDERSIDE OF YOUR TONGUE.  I can’t stress that enough; the smoothness of that part of the tongue contrasted with the rough top part creates what science likes to call alternating friction.  The best way to start a fire isn’t just with wood; you got to have some fuel to spark that flame.

Finally, the yoni.  GET IN IT.  Put some work into it.  Stick your whole tongue in there, it’s not going to bite you.  Swirl it around; act as if you’re trying to turn your tongue over.  Dip your pen into the inkwell and start writing your name on her thighs.  Pay attention to the labia majora!  Those are erogenous zones as well!  Tease her!  You’ve got two free hands; take one and play with the clitoris while your tongue fucks her.  Make her grab on to something.  Make her grind her pussy into your face.  Men, you always want to fuck her face; let her fuck yours!  It’s there, it’s for you, why not take hold of the opportunity?  Let her go wild!  You can handle it, I promise!

I think the biggest thing to remember overall is to have fun with it.  Enjoy it!  If you’re going in with this defeatist attitude, you’re only going to make the situation worse.

Then again, I’m a man who enjoys eating pussy.  I thrive on it.

I love it.

Reblogging for those who didn’t see this.  It’s an invaluable tool.

Mango?

Why don’t y’all say you like eating pussy?

I’m just saying.  I like to eat pussy.  I love eating pussy.  I love the juice running down my cheeks.  I love the soft flesh in my mouth; being able to taste the sweetness inside of her.

Pussy tastes so damn good.  I wish I had a nice juicy pussy to eat right now.

What?

I’m just being real.  I’m just being me.

The REAL Reasons Sensible Men Don’t Like Giving Women Oral Sex

Reblogged from 267349

the4mat:

There are reasons both plural and compelling, and seldom discussed by female sex columnists for the simple reason that they don’t know. But I’m going to lay it out on the line for all of you ladies, so that you will.

Here they are, in order of increasing importance:

1. Because some vaginas are s a scary looking mess, especially in relation to the rest of a women’s body. Seriously ladies, how often do YOU get to inspect the entrance to your birth canal at a distance of several centimeters? It’s a scary, asymmetric looking thing, built more like a water spout or drain (the tap on a keg of beer comes to mind, provided that it is an old and banged up tap) than anything nature might have intended to attract the male. That’s why nature saw fit to cover it up with hair. Not for nothing do you never see animals engaged in oral sex. Nature did not intend for this to happen, as it has no procreative value.

2. Because getting to it is hard work. Seriously, unless a man is the sort of yoga class attending pansy who can twist his body into the shape of a pretzel, he would rather eat a pretzel than eat pussy. It’s just too hard on the male neck to get down to it. Utterly unlike say, fellatio for the woman, because while the penis protrudes from the male torso with at least three degrees of freedom, the pudendum just sits there and has to be approached by much more arduous means.

3. Because many vaginas smell bad. Really ladies, and rather than have to be the one to break this news to you, we choose to make up excuses as to why we cannot go down there.

4. (The MOST IMPORTANT reason.) Because vaginas can make you sick. The soft, moist, pink tissues of the vagina can harbor numerous pathogens that can be readily transmitted to the soft, most and pink tissues of a man’s face, and these include herpes, syphilis, NGU, chlamydia, cancer-causing strains of HPV (as the CDC has noted), Creutzfeld-Jakob Disease, Q-fever, Lassa Fever, and the clap. Short of using a rubber dental dam (which no man wants to mess with), there’s just no safe way of going down on a woman without a whole team of epidemiologists and microbiologists standing at the ready to do a thorough inspection.

5. Because going down on a woman is the physical equivalent of being the first one on the relationship to say “I love you.” Not a wise move.
And yet … I am the first to admit that when the time comes and I fall in love with a true woman of valor and make her my wife, I shall readily do this and more to keep her happy. But until then, “I’m staying out of Dixie.”

k.

The title threw me off.  As a Pussy Eating Champion, I HAD to go check the OP’s page out to see what was up.

Turns out, someone posted this on Craig’s List.

I’m not even going to try and rebuff the points made in the article; it’s not worth it.  All I’m gonna do is link you to HERE and HERE.

Happy reading.

The Art Of Face Sitting

First off, there is an art to this.

Ladies, if you find a man that says it isn’t an art, he doesn’t know how to correctly eat you out.  And that’s okay.  Hopefully he lays the pipe well enough that you don’t mind lackluster cunnilingus.

Moving forward.

Face sitting, as I said in the title, is an art.  Just like with painting a picture, making a sculpture, or writing a story, there’s elements that every artist needs: a sturdy work space (his face), a decent paintbrush/sculpting tool/pencil or pen (his tongue), and a canvas/clay/paper (her yoni).  Basic items, but again, it’s what you DO with those items that creates the pièce de résistance (the orgasm).

Let’s start with the face.  I know there are some women who sometimes get afraid of sitting on a man’s face.  They worry that the pressure will be too much for him, that she might be too heavy, or that she may cut off his oxygen supply.  Let me say with unwavering certainty that two of these three options are of no worry to the face.  The pressure isn’t too much.  You cannot be too heavy.  If you place your knees right above his shoulders, your yoni is in perfect range and most of the weight will be distributed on the surface he is laying on.  As far as the lack of oxygen, well… that’s what breathing through his nose is for.  (Unless he’s an advanced eater, then he knows that eating pussy is like swimming; take a deep breath, go in, turn your face, take another breath, go in, turn your face in the opposite direction, take another breath, go in, etc.  This technique pretty much assures you that the pleasure shall continue and you won’t get tired of creating that masterpiece.)  Line your yoni up with his mouth, your ass should be falling right above his throat, which is a perfect position for his hands to guide you.

On to the tongue, arguably the most important part of this equation; without your paintbrush/sculpting tool/pencil or pen you can’t create.  Learn how to make deep strokes, curling your tongue.  Don’t just use the rough side of your tongue; that’s a sure way to over sensitize the clitoris.  As a rule of thumb: you shouldn’t just concentrate on just the clitoris anyway.  Get creative!  Stiffen your tongue and slap her ass; make her bounce up and down like you’re the mechanical bull at a country bar.  Pin the clitoris!  This is an advanced technique most men never bother to learn about; if you place the clitoris between your upper lip and your front teeth, the vibrations from your constant movement of your tongue will surely excite her even more.  USE THE UNDERSIDE OF YOUR TONGUE.  USE THE UNDERSIDE OF YOUR TONGUE.  USE THE UNDERSIDE OF YOUR TONGUE.  I can’t stress that enough; the smoothness of that part of the tongue contrasted with the rough top part creates what science likes to call alternating friction.  The best way to start a fire isn’t just with wood; you got to have some fuel to spark that flame.

Finally, the yoni.  GET IN IT.  Put some work into it.  Stick your whole tongue in there, it’s not going to bite you.  Swirl it around; act as if you’re trying to turn your tongue over.  Dip your pen into the inkwell and start writing your name on her thighs.  Pay attention to the majora labia!  Those are erogenous zones as well!  Tease her!  You’ve got two free hands; take one and play with the clitoris while your tongue fucks her.  Make her grab on to something.  Make her grind her pussy into your face.  Men, you always want to fuck her face; let her fuck yours!  It’s there, it’s for you, why not take hold of the opportunity?  Let her go wild!  You can handle it, I promise!

I think the biggest thing to remember overall is to have fun with it.  Enjoy it!  If you’re going in with this defeatist attitude, you’re only going to make the situation worse.

Then again, I’m a man who enjoys eating pussy.  I thrive on it.

I love it.

I’d eat your pussy like it was red velvet cake drizzled with cocaine.

I’d get high off your yoni juices.