Not So Random Thoughts

Again, the things that run through my mind at 1:50 in the morning.

Jay: So what’s up? You have a friend for Silent Bob or are you just gonna do us both? If so, I’m first. I hate sloppy seconds. 

Bethany: You’re a man of principle. Jersey’s pretty far from McHenry, may I ask what brought you here? 

Jay: Some fuck named John Hughes. 

Bethany: “Sixteen Candles” John Hughes? 

Jay: You know that guy too? That fuckin’ guy. He made this flick, “16 Candles”. Not bad, there’s tits in it but no bush. But Ebert over here don’t give a shit about that kind of thing, ‘cause he’s like, all in love with this John Hughes guy. 

[Silent Bob shakes his head with a “whatever” look on his face] 

Jay: He goes out and rents, like, every one of his movies. Fuckin’ “Breakfast Club”, where all these stupid kids actually show up for detention. Fuckin’ “Weird Science”, where this babe wants to take her gear off and get down, but oh no, she don’t, ‘cause it’s a PG movie. And then “Pretty in Pink”, which I can’t even watch with this tubby bitch anymore ‘cause every time he gets to the part where the redhead hooks up with her dream guy, he starts sobbin’ like a little bitch with a skinned knee and shit. And there’s nothing worse than watching a fuckin’ fat man weep. 

[Silent Bob blows out his cigarette smoke angrily] 

Bethany: What exactly brought you to Illinois? 

Jay: See, all these movies take place in this small town called Shermer in Illinois, where all the honeys are top-shelf but all the dudes are whiny pussies. Except for Judd Nelson, he was fuckin’ harsh. 

[he and Silent Bob bump fists] 

Jay: But best of all, there was no one dealin’, man. And then it hits me: we could live like FAT rats if we were the blunt connection in Shermer, Illinois. So we collected some money we were owed and caught a bus. But you know what the fuck we found out when we got there? There IS no Shermer in Illinois. Movies are fuckin’ bullshit. 

But what if they weren’t bullshit?  What if there was a Shermer, Illinois?  What if Jay and Silent Bob were actually able to deal drugs there?  They would be stepping all over someone else’s turf.  Someone who supplied drugs to the local youth (and John Bender).  Someone named…

Well, we don’t know his name.  But he was pushing all of the drugs in town.  Can you imagine the (mis)adventures of Jay and Silent Bob as they try to dodge the drug addled Charlie Sheen in Shermer, Illinois?

(Why do I think about John Hughes flicks late at night?  Hell if I know.)

“Let me get this straight: you don’t believe in God because of Alice in Wonderland?”

No, ‘Through the Looking Glass.’  That poem, The Walrus & the Carpenter, that’s an indictment of organized religion.  The walrus, with his girth and his good nature; he obviously represents either Buddha, or with his tusks, the Hindu Elephant God, Lord Ganesha.  That takes care of your Eastern religions.  Now, the carpenter, which is an obvious reference to Jesus Christ who was raised a carpenter’s son, he represents the Western religions.  Now, in the poem, what do they do?  What do they do?  They - they dupe all these oysters into following them and then proceed to shuck and devour the helpless creatures, en masse.  Now, I dunno what that says to you, but to me, it says that following these faiths based on mythological figures insures the destruction of one’s inner being.  Organized religion destroys who we are by inhibiting our actions, by inhibiting our decisions, out of - out of fear of some — some intangible parent figure who — who shakes a finger at us from thousands of years ago, and says — and says: “Do it, do it and I’ll fucking spank you!”