Dilly Dally, Shilly Shally. I am everything and nothing at the same time. I am the knight in shining armor, here to save the damsel in distress. The distressing part? Underneath my helm, I'm the dragon, too. President and CEO of The Free Big Tits Movement.
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So, yeah, about that Molly…
So, me and Dionne are Skyping and I had rubbed my hands together. She was like “Stop. Look, go do this and call me back.”
You ever feel something so fucking soft that you can’t stop touching it? That’s my hands right now, son. For real.
- Get a saltshaker or be like me and get the entire canister of salt.
- DAMPEN, not wet, your hands.
- Rub the salt into your hands, really, really well. Continue to do so for about 3 minutes.
- Rinse your hands off completely.
- Pat dry your hands and then apply your lotion of choice.
- Prepare for Nirvana.
BRUH.
Like… I really can’t stop touching myself. My hands feel fucking AMAZING.
Do this shit. Do it now.
